Then again, at other times I was full of energy, enjoyed patient contact and was continually looking round for extra things for myself and the family to do. On other days I found work a useful distractor from the milder symptoms of my depression. In the meantime I was also having difficulty working, at times literally dragging a deeply fatigued body and an equally befuddled brain into the consultation, managing by treating one person at a time, rather than look at a whole fully-booked surgery.
This was the start of very strong suicidal thoughts and impulses that would pop into my head unbidden and needed real mental energy to resist acting them out.
Then driving down the motorway one day I decided it would be appropriate for me to crash the car and end my life. I put these down to the long hours I was working and a full social life at the time. Initially, I had days when I was intensely irritable with my family and suffered from episodes of anxiety and tension headaches.
I was working as a full-time GP at the time with a growing list and four small children. I became unwell suddenly, unexpectedly and severely 5 years ago.
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